Twelve days after having our second child it was my birthday so my husband bought me a spa package that included a massage, manicure and pedicure. The one, most important, thing it lacked was instructions from him on when I could use it. Now, three months later, he has never mentioned the gift nor given me the chance to cash in.
So here’s a thought, Mother’s Day is coming up and as much as doing brunch with the entire family can be enjoyable, frankly speaking, waking up early when I’m up every two hours so I can eat an elaborate meal when I’m trying to drop the baby weight with seven screaming kids when all I really want is some peace and quiet for myself seems like the perfect opportunity for him to say “Babe, break out that gift certificate.” Unfortunately, that’s highly unlikely. While I don’t suffer from mom-guilt, my husband carries more than enough of it for the both of us. As progressive as he’d like to think he is, the fact remains that it’s hard for him to understand why I like to spend time away from our beautiful family. What he doesn’t realize is that it’s less about spending time away from them and more about spending time with myself. Sometimes it’s simply about getting s*** done. Last Saturday hubby insisted we all go downtown together so we could enjoy the day as a family and I could buy some much needed post baby clothes but five minutes into a debilitating dressing room experience I got a text message from him asking me if I was done. Needless to say, I was.
As my younger, Millennial brother pointed out, being a mom isn’t necessarily the hardest job in the world (yes oil rig workers have it tougher than we do) BUT it is a role that consumes you and one that is often taken for granted. No one, not the kids nor dad, questions how food finds its way from store to fridge to table every single day, how extra-curricular activities and appointments show up on the calendar, how the toilets manage to stay clean day in and day out or, how the sock drawer miraculously maintains an ongoing inventory. The tasks are endless and can be quite unfulfilling when you’re left with little time for anything else. Thankfully, I’m pretty good at demanding a break as I see fit but, from my experience, most moms aren’t. Either way, it would mean a lot to have our families be the ones to recognize that giving us a little time to ourselves would be the perfect gift. Diamonds may be forever but time, oh how it is priceless. Time to read, time to learn, time to socialize, time to beautify, time to work out, all of which cannot be done with young kids in tow.
Most relationship experts suggest clearly outlining what you want from your partner to avoid frustration and disappointment. So here’s what I really want for mother’s day, the opportunity to spend a day and intermittent days husband and kids free without guilt, time constraints and text messages.